Mahal, pakihintay ako. Mamahalin pa kita ng buo.

To you;

Who feel lost in the world you’re in:
If you ever feel like you don’t know what to do, and you feel tired of everything. When the entirety has been just a routine and you’re so done with it. If you don’t know what inspires you anymore and what you are called to do, please know yourself again. Please look what it is you’re living for. Relearn what makes you happy. And from whatever scratch you have, start again. Start with shaking knees. Start with all the fear accumulated in your heart. Try something new. Find your niche. Find yourself. And never let go of it again.

When you feel like you can’t take it anymore:

I want you to know that it’s okay. It is okay if your feel fragile. Please don’t stop yourself from feeling. You don’t need to show the world that you have it all handled. You can cry. And that is completely okay. You are a frail human being and you commit mistakes. Who in the world ever didn’t? So please, let it out. Let it burst. Cry until you feel your throat crumpled and you’re unable to breathe. And I beg you to remember that you are never beyond fixing. You’re already made whole way before you were even broken.

Who’s afraid of the risks:

Ask yourself why you are even afraid. Are you afraid of the outcome? Are you afraid of failure or are you afraid how the world will look at you when you fall? Are you afraid of yourself? There are a lot in the world to be frightened about. My dear, you lose twice as much when you don’t take the fight. And it’s your life anyway. If you ever tumble, rise up and move forward if you feel it is not just for you. Believe me, you’ll soon find your place. Nevertheless when you finally feel ready to rise once again, Just go. Claim it. This is going to be your winning shot.

Breaking the Human Impossible

The new year has come with a great entrance. As we have sought the Lord first during the annual Prayer and Fasting, revelations and visions are really lucid. God articulated well enough that this year should be a year for higher, wider, deeper faith. I can still recall each days' themes (I think so...);

1. Day 0 - Audacious Faith
2. Day 1 - Faith to Deliver
3. Day 2 - Faith to Declare
4. Day 3 - Faith to Conquer
5. Day 4 - Faith to Claim
6. Day 5 - Faith to Serve

(Ooops, I forgot some. TAGGED GUILTY.) But what I could remember more was how God moved in each night telling me to have faith to deliver, declare, conquer, claim and serve. But I also remembered I know these days would come. Because right now, I am starting to doubt on myself, and what is bound to come. 

As a graduating student, there's no denying that I am getting old, and more than that, maturity should be looked after much more. Soon I'll come to decide on my own and all. But the thing right now that scares me in the face is my future. What should I do after school? Should I take my Masters? Will I pass the Licensure exam? Will I have a job stable enough to save for what's ahead? And the list goes on and on without end. All God's promises from the beginning is now forgotten. I am doubting on my abilities that could help me win life.

But tonight, God revealed something to me again. Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's just the world we're in. Right here where we are, are full of people living by 'to see is to believe'. Let us holdfast to the fact that God says "...blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."[1] Shouldn't we go live our lives for God? Shouldn't we listen to Him more and on His promises that what this world is telling us? Should we break the impossible?

And yes. It is hard to believe in the impossible (through the eyes of human.) But isn't it also a great thing that in our weaknesses, we have a great God that is strong? And that our weaknesses are made match to be filled with the grace of God. And probably that's the reason of being human too. To completely depend on the ever-knowing, omnipotent God that is above all. Trust God when you cannot muster the trust you want to give yourself. 

It is said that, "...now hope that is seen is not hope." [2] This is a reminder that we can always hope for the impossible. Come to think of it, we could have the tendency to believe that things happens due to what we can do. But if we cannot, we can see that it is the greatness of God alone that moved.

Let us get encouraged today not on who we are and what we can do, but on who God said He is, and what He can do. 

The best is bound to come :)

[1] John 20:29

[2] Romans 8:24

Head start.

So this is a clean slate right ahead of you, and it is all up to you how you'll do it. :) You can make the best of every day starting today. You can try new challenges. You can try to do new things. You can succeed. You can fall, and you can always always always start again. New year's are not meant to be celebrated just when literally a year passes by. New years are whenever you want them to be.

Christmas

Christmas is the day Jesus was born, as they say. And as many views and perspectives arose, it has also been a controversy whether Jesus was really born on December 25th. But no, I am not here to argue with you when He was really born. But I want to tell you, He was born. Really. Whenever you think that may be.

Mary gave birth to Jesus, and He died on the cross.

For me. For you.

Isn't it amazing to think someone was destined to live in order to die? And He didn't just remain dead. On the third day, Jesus rose again depicting no power of grave and hell could ever stop the love He displayed and gave. And that is the reason we are alive.

And so whatever is holding you back for spending your "Merry Christmas," I want you to know the breath you take is one great miracle. One great manifestation that love always wins. God's love wins. Always. Live now for the One who died for you.

Dear, celebrate. You are redeemed.

Not yet.

I miss you.

Is it weird? I probably wasn't even able to meet you yet. Or maybe I knew you, passed by you, bump into in a grocery store. I really don't know. But I miss you. I miss how you'll warm my hands in this shivery weather. I miss how you'll share your sweater with me 'cause you know I really don't like cold. How you'd panic when I start developing my rashes due to it. I miss you. 

I miss how you'll greet me a good morning when the sun starts to rise, and how you'll tell me to get full before I go to school. I miss how you'll randomly text me how much you love me in the middle of the day. I miss how you'll watch the stars with me at night. At how many shooting stars we'll see then. I miss how you'll hug me and make me feel I am protected with the warmth of your embrace, and how you make me feel loved with one forehead kiss. I miss you.

I miss everything about you. And you've been running in my mind the whole time. I miss you and I want to be with you.

But not now. Not yet.

I miss you but please don't show up yet.

Not now. For I know I can't invest too much emotions yet. I would probably hold back every now and then with the thought I could lose you anytime. Not now. Because I might still remember how I had given trust and see how it broke in the end. Not now. Not until I have seen myself so complete. That I will have love too much that it overflows and I could share it again.

Not now. For you're probably not ready too. You might have had your heart broken a lot of times also. Not now. Because you'll probably think I am like other girls who left you. Not now. Not until you have seen yourself complete. That you will have love too much that it overflows and you could share it again.

And then, we'll share it to each other.

I miss you, my love. 

But not now. Not yet.

Christian tendencies.

I have this tendency of being reminded of everything I did wrong in the past. That one voice is going to haunt me repetitively saying I am a sinner and I am unworthy. I'd be reminded of the pain. The what-if's. Resounding regrets.

But I know those are lies. 

This moment is what I am going through right now. And I am quite surprised how it went tonight. I was busy distracting myself to everything I could do, and so I wouldn't hear that lie on my ears. I stopped a moment, talked to God. And here's how He responded to me. He repeated the statement of a hurting friend on our conversation days ago. "I like what this pain is doing in my life." Most of the times we don't want to get through the hard times. It was never hard to praise God on sunny days. But it takes a deeper faith to remain our stillness in the midst of life storms. We are usually consumed of all the why's in life while God is saying "see what this is going to teach you."

So I'm encouraging myself, (and yes, you too. :)) right now to stay still. And learn from these rough roads. Just as they say that "when your bicycle is about to fall, just lean on the side to which you're falling." And then you'll see, you'll see how far you've gone keeping balanced. Stay blessed xx